


Cream on Chrome

by campbellsouptm



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: (hint: it’s cheryl), Angst, Beware, Bops Used Frequently, Copious Amounts of Glee References, Eventual Smut, F/F, Metaphors Everywhere, Praise Kink, RAS could never, but the internal mind kind, cheryls broken but wbk, no bughead bc that shits nasty, srsly this is some hot and spicy angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-01-05 18:07:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18371327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/campbellsouptm/pseuds/campbellsouptm
Summary: Cheryl allowed a smile to grace her lips, and then Toni was staring at her with number 8 eyes and cotton candy hair and tiger teeth, and it was like the colors had come back. It didn’t feel like a lie though. It felt real.“I can’t believe you really exist,” Cheryl whispered, hand resting on Toni’s warm cheek indulgently. The contrast of their skin reminded Cheryl once again of how different they were, but for some reason, Toni felt familiar. Sort of like coming home.----Chrome - Chromium plate as a decorative or protective finish on motor-vehicle fittings and other objectsEarly 19th century, from Greek Khromas, meaning color (having brilliant colors)ORCheryl copes with pain by twisting it until it finally resembles something pleasant. But then Toni comes along, and suddenly everything feels real. Too real.





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> I write a lot of original shit but I’ve never written for a fandom before so I’m kinda nervous 🤠
> 
>  
> 
> Title STOLEN from the song Cream on Chrome by Ratatat  
> It’s fuckin lit please listen to it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just introducing everything

 

 

Cheryl remembers the first time her parents had caught her wearing red.

Penelope’s eyes had flashed, and she had gripped her husband’s pale arm like an anchor.

The chrome adorning Thistlehouse had sighed: whether in disdain or relief, it is not yet known.

Cheryl _can_ remember how they had branded the sensitive skin of her shoulder without glancing at the scar, but sometimes she does it anyway.

Penelope and Clifford had always dressed Cheryl in chrome; sometimes a lighter shade, sometimes a darker shade, but  _always_ in chrome.

On her first day of kindergarten, the other kids kept a respectable distance from her. All she wanted to do was talk to the pretty girl in a red shirt. But then the girl scooted away as soon as she saw Cheryl approaching, and if she could’ve comprehended well at that age, she would’ve reasoned it was the beginning of the end.

She would have been right.

-

At Jason’s funeral, Cheryl wore black. In the back of her mind, she was vaguely pleased, but at the moment colors didn’t seem as important to her as her twin’s death.

She had silently hoped the pain would stack on. Become  _molded_ somehow so it would be easier to manage. 

 

It didn’t.

 

Instead, she would wake up in the middle of the night, desperately thrashing around after just having had a nightmare of her brother’s lifeless head rolling around the ground as he pleaded for her to come back to him.

And then, when she had finally succumbed to sleep once again, to dream of her parents repeatedly shoving her face into the depths of Sweetwater River, insisting she should have died instead of Jason.

The worst part was Cheryl wholeheartedly agreed.

-

Jason never had to wear chrome.

He did as a baby, but soon Penelope and Clifford realized their clay seemed to mold into their idealistic vision of what their child should be like, and so they simply stripped the color off of his back with the comforting knowledge that at least one of their children would have worth.

Cheryl secretly felt jealousy towards Jason for not knowing what it felt like to have parents that resented him. But he was dead now, and it scared the hell out of her.

She figured she deserved it though. Cheryl had always been too selfish. Too  _demanding._ Even when her parents loudly cursed the second they heard the expensive doors of Thistlehouse open, even when they reminded her every day how much of a disappointment she had turned out to be, Cheryl remained resilient.  _Hopeful._

Eventually, though, that hope began to chip away, like pouring cream on chrome.

And someday, Cheryl feared that there would be nothing left to chip. That she would be reduced to a shell of her former self, completely void of any and all emotion or feeling.

The part of her she tried to hide was waiting for this moment to happen.

 

-

 

Cheryl likes to reason with herself that it could be a lot worse in order to cope with her crippling sense of doom, and it works occasionally. But every time she’s perfectly aligned her house of cards, a light breeze knocks all the cards over and it leaves her feeling worse than she ever thought she could feel.

 “ _Serves me right, I guess,” she figures. Consistency comes to those who hope for something -_ **anything** to be different.

-

When Cheryl was sixteen, she strutted down the halls of Thistlehouse in red.  _Red._ Red like the blood Jason had spilt, lying dead on the floor of some underground Serpent hangout. Red like her hair. Red like her mother’s eyes after one too many injections.

It made her feel powerful.  _In control._ And nothing could take that feeling away from her. 

-

When Cheryl had been notified that the Southsiders were transferring to Riverdale High, she couldn’t have been more indifferent. A year ago, news like this would’ve angered her to her very core. But she wasn’t the HBIC anymore. Her chrome had chipped too much, and underneath, it was ugly. So ugly.

So learning that some kids from the Southside had to attend her school because of some meth spill wasn’t very noteworthy.

-

“Cheryl!” 

“What?” was all that came.

Josie McCoy sighed as her best friend was - once again - paying no attention to her. How rude.

”I was just saying that I met Sweet Pea yesterday. He’s one of the Southsiders who’s transferring here, and he’s, like, insanely hot. Plus I think he’s totally into me,” Josie looked genuinely excited when she spoke about the Southsider.

”I’m happy for you but...what kind of name is Sweet Pea?” Cheryl answered, quirking an eyebrow.

Josie simply brushed it off, eager to ramble about the Southside some more.

”His best friend’s name is Fangs. Hot too, but kind of short compared to Sweet Pea, so not really my type...I think you’d like him, though.”

Cheryl sighed. For as long as they’d been friends, Josie had attempted (and failed) to set Cheryl up with guys. She wanted to believe her intentions were strictly pure, but then she recalled how Josie would listen to Cheryl sob in the middle of the night over the phone, and a part of the redhead believed Josie thought if she got a boyfriend, it would relieve her of the burden of always having to comfort Cheryl.

”Josie...” Cheryl began as she nervously picked at her Pop’s fries, “you have to stop trying to set me up with all these guys.”

Josie acted offended. Whether it was real or not, she couldn’t tell.

”I’m not, Cheryl. I just think the four of us should hang out. It doesn’t have to be like a double date or anything...I mean, it’d be fun..”

Cheryl scoffed at the implication.

Josie, seeing this was heading in the wrong direction, tried a different strategy.

”Toni! Sweet Pea’s other friend is Toni, and she’s a girl. So I’m telling you to meet someone who you’ll have a 0 per cent chance of sleeping with.” Josie seemed impressed by what she had just said.

Even if, for all intents and purposes, Cheryl was 100% straight, this was still an incredibly weird thing to say and Cheryl found that she was unable to properly respond for a while. She also found she was intrigued by this Toni person.

 “Yep.,” Cheryl said awkwardly, tucking her hands onto the back of her thighs.

Josie raised an eyebrow and studied Cheryl longer than what is deemed comfortable, but she let it go eventually.

”Alright. I’ll meet up with your boy toy and his friends if it’ll get you to shut up.”

Josie squealed, getting up to peck her friend on the cheek before announcing that she wouldn’t regret it and dashing out of Pop’s.

-

Sneaking out of Thistlehouse had become quite easy over the years; practice makes perfect, as they say. It was fortunate her parents were heavy sleepers though because sometimes she slams the cabinet doors too hard or the key lock is extra creaky. 

Josie had preferred to meet up at a less...odd time, but when Cheryl told her they could have a campfire, her eyes lit up in delight, and for the first time in a while, Cheryl felt like she mattered. 

Putting the keys in the ignition of Jason’s Impala, Cheryl steadied her breathing. Everything was going to be fine.

-

 Cheryl’s first impression of Sweet Pea was that he was tall. Like, ridiculously tall. It suited him though. That whole tough-guy-gang-flannel aesthetic was certainly enticing, as she would come to find out. And Josie seemed  _happy_ with him. Not that she was jealous.

“Hey. Cheryl, is it? Josie’s told me a lot about you,” the boy greeted, arms crossed from under his ripped flannel.

”Yep, that’s me,” the redhead replied awkwardly, plopping herself onto the rickety chair positioned by the fire.

“Tiny!” the Serpent called out, cupping his hands over his mouth.

Moments later, a short girl with faded bubblegum pink hair appeared with a rather annoyed expression on her face, and if Cheryl allowed herself to have deviant thoughts, she would have thought it was cute.

“What, Sweets?” “Tiny” said, still looking moderately pissed off.

Sweet Pea raised his hands in mock offence, the red light from the fire causing shadows to spill onto the grass, “Gee, Tiny, who pissed in your cereal? I was just gonna introduce you to Josie’s friend, Cheryl Blossom.”

Tiny stepped up to Cheryl which proved to be quite comical due to their height difference, and stuck a hand out, “It’s an honour to come face to face with the one and only  _Cheryl Bombshell._ Name’s Toni Topaz, by the way, but you probably already knew that.”

Cheryl didn’t, but she was caught off guard by Toni calling her bombshell. It had been so long since anyone had called her that. Ever since JJ died, people treated Cheryl like she was chipped chrome clinging onto a car, ready to fall apart any second. She supposed she was.

 

 

Cheryl shook Toni’s hand and was pleasantly surprised by how  _ warm  _ they were. Jason used to have warm hands. 

 

“You just gonna stand there?” Toni asked, a smirk on her stupidly lovely-looking lips.

 

The nerve this girl had.

 

“ _ No,  _ but since we have company I’m not going to pummel your face in,” Cheryl was thankful it was almost midnight because a blush had erupted on her cheeks. Who the hell was this girl?

 

“Okay, ladies, calm down, please. We haven’t even opened the beer, for chrissakes!” Sweet Pea whined. 

 

The thought of getting drunk while in the presence of Toni was utterly terrifying, because alcohol tended to loosen her up, a  _ lot,  _ and the redhead feared what exactly  _ loosen up  _ entailed. 

 

Despite having no alcohol in her system,  _ supposedly,  _ Josie sat up rather shakily and cried out, “I’ll get it! Mike’s hard lemonade, right? Man, I love lemonade..”

 

No one mentioned that lemonade spiked with liquor wasn’t beer.

 

With Josie gone, Sweet Pea wasn’t sure how to handle these two: He figured they’d get along once they were drunk, but convincing two teenage girls who already dislike each other to get drunk together was a difficult task. Sweet Pea would know. He’s tried multiple times.

 

Then it came to him.

 

“I’m gonna go find Fangs; try not to kill each other when I’m gone, okay?” 

 

They both mumbled something, refusing to make eye contact.

 

“So, you gonna  _ pummel my face in  _ now? Seeing as we have no company?” Toni said, still with that  _ goddamn  _ smirk on her face.

 

Feeling a little more relaxed, Cheryl chuckled, tapping her fingers onto her thigh, “You know I was joking, right? And...if you repeat this, to  _ anyone _ , I  _ will  _ beat you up, but...a face as pretty as yours shouldn’t be tampered with.”

 

Toni’s eyebrows raised, not expecting that in the least bit. Of course, it could possibly be straight girl talk, but the way she spoke it sounded really, really gay. Her heartbeat increased.

 

Wanting to push her limits, Toni said teasingly, “Huh, who woulda thought Riverdale’s former HBIC had an affinity for the fairer sex?”

 

Cheryl’s face drained of all color.  _ Fuck _ . Someone knows. She shouldn’t have said that. She shouldn’t have said anything, really, but Cheryl’s big fat mouth never enjoyed staying closed for long periods.

 

Toni sensed she had overstepped, so she attempted to redeem herself, “Kidding, Cheryl. You do need to loosen up. Where’s Josie?”

 

Seconds after speaking, Josie showed up, cradling an entire ice cooler presumably filled with hard lemonade, along with Sweet Pea and Fangs, who looked as if they definitely didn’t want to be here.

 

“I got the lemonade!” Josie yelled, and then dropped the cooler right next to the fire, grabbing a bottle and chugging half the thing in one gulp. Sweet Pea looked infatuated.

 

Surprisingly, the next one to drink was Cheryl, who grabbed three bottles then sat on the ratty lawn chair directly next to Toni’s. She leaned her head back, popped the black cap off, and drank until everything had been drained.

 

Cheryl felt _content_. Sitting here, chugging Mike’s hard lemonade with Josie and a couple of Southside Serpents around a fire in Sunnyside trailer park, she felt happier than she had in a long time. Maybe ever. Because these people weren’t chrome. They were _colorful_ , _flawed, beautiful_ human beings who deserved everything the world had to offer.

 

But that might be the alcohol talking. 

 

Sweet Pea and Fangs cheered Cheryl on as she finished her fifth lemonade. It tasted sharp, like a razor-blade. And it had a yellow bite to it, the kind of yellow that burns your eyes off. Were her eyes burnt?

 

At some point, Toni had started staring at her, and all thoughts of razor-blades and burnt eyes immediately left her mind, because..Toni was  _ beautiful _ . Yeah, Sweet Pea and Fangs and Josie were beautiful too, but in the platonic friend way. She didn’t want Toni to be her friend.

 

Cheryl didn’t recall Toni drinking anything, but then again her memory was a little wonky, so it came as a surprise when Toni slurred, “Cher, you’re sooo pretty..like I can’t believe you exist kinda pretty..but maybe none of us exist..that’s weird to think about.”

 

“ _ Burnt eyes are weird to think about, not that none of us exist. I’m  _ **_sure_ ** _ that’s true,”  _ Cheryl idly thought.

 

Not knowing how to respond, Cheryl placed a hand on Toni’s thigh, refusing to break eye contact with her. It was almost more intoxicating than the lemonade if she’s being honest.

 

Toni just gave her a warm, happy smile, but then seemed to remember something and pouted like a baby does when they don’t get dessert.

 

“What is it?” Cheryl said slowly, her reaction time slowing down considerably.

 

“I was just thinking,” Toni started, “how I really wanted to kiss you, but then I remembered we’re drunk….and I  _ shouldn’t.. _ do  _ that _ ..even if I really want to.”

 

Cheryl considered this for a moment, but she was mostly so elated that Toni had wanted to kiss  _ her  _ she was unable to focus on anything else.

 

“Hold on,” Cheryl replied, pulling out her phone, the bright light burning razor-blades onto her eyes, “I’m looking up how to get sober fast…..it says we should stop drinking, drink water..eat peanuts and nap..sounds easy enough.,”

 

“Fangs!” Toni shouted, her voice unsteady.

 

As the redhead glanced around, she realized the others had left them alone and wandered off somewhere else, which was probably a good decision.

 

The tan-skinned man appeared a few minutes later, agitation etched across his face, but it softened when he took in the intoxicated state of the two girls.

 

“Yes, Tiny?” Fangs said in a kind of sing-song voice.

 

Cheryl forgot about that nickname. She’d make sure to ask Toni about it later. She wasn’t sure when  _ later  _ was though.

 

“Can we have some peanuts and water? Me n’ Cheryl don’t wanna be drunk anymore…”

 

Fangs said nothing else and just left. He reminded Cheryl of the number 9. Warm white, like a lamp.

 

“Toni? What color is seven?” Cheryl spoke fervently as if this were the most important question in the world.

 

Toni furrowed her brow, and then answered with finality, “Purple.”

 

The redhead was quite distressed with this answer, and, needing comfort, shifted her body so she was lying on Toni’s lap. How could one person hold this much warmth? Toni responded by carding her fingers through Cheryl’s hair, who hummed thoughtfully.

 

The scene Fangs walked in on was pretty uncomfortable, but at least they were both drunk out of their minds and wouldn’t remember any of this in the morning. Hopefully.

 

“I got the stuff,” he said in a monotone voice, handing a basically incoherent Toni a plastic grocery store bag, who beamed up at him in delight. Cheryl was too busy staring at Toni to even notice Fang’s presence. 

 

The Serpent practically ran back to Sweet Pea’s trailer.

 

“Cher..here’s some water,” Toni handed her the bottle and based on how hard her hands were shaking it was a miracle she didn’t drop it.

 

Cheryl had already passed out on Toni’s lap.

 

A few minutes later, Toni passed out too.

 

Maybe razor-blades in her mouth wasn’t so bad after all.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  


	2. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens the morning after.  
> This got really angsty so tw for abuse and subtle suicidal thoughts
> 
> oof

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> watched glee yesterday and they played the chain by fleetwood mac and I would recommend that song it's dope

The first thing Cheryl registered was her pounding headache, which felt like B-flat chrome nails digging into her skull from all directions. As she slowly regained consciousness, she noticed her hand encased in something warm and round. It was too firm and small to be a pillow, so the redhead had no clue what it could be. Besides, her view was mostly obstructed by...someone’s lap? What the fuck? 

 

_ Wait. _

 

_ Firm, round, warm… _

 

**_Shit._ **

 

Cheryl was petrified and found that even though she desperately wanted to move her hand, her fear had temporarily paralyzed her from moving an inch.

 

Suddenly, she felt the body stirring from above her.

 

“Mmm, what are you doing?” the person said groggily, their voice raspy sounding and familiar.

 

_ Toni. _

 

_ Of course, it was Toni. _

 

Cheryl yanked her hand away as if Toni’s breast was a tiger with switchblade claws, but in reality, they were a G-sharp dipped in red.

 

“Toni, I’m so sorry, I just woke up like this, I don’t know what happened-“

 

Toni looked down at Cheryl with a wide grin plastered on her face, “Don’t apologize. It wasn’t your fault. Plus, it wasn’t entirely unwelcome.”

 

Cheryl’s cheeks flared up and she refused to meet Toni’s eyes, but it proved to be quite difficult when the girl cradled her jaw and turned her face until they were staring at each other. Again.

 

Needing a distraction, Cheryl surveyed her surroundings, and when it came to her where she was, she could feel her ears growing impossibly hot, hot like the number 2 and orange coated with gasoline.

 

_ Deviant _ .

 

_ Wrong. _

 

_ The Serpents  _ **_killed_ ** _ your brother, Cheryl,  _ **_how_ ** _ could you forget that?! _

 

Toni didn’t. Sweet Pea and Fangs didn’t. The situation reminded her of when she was seven and she had laid out a bunch of green beans in a bowl, but one of them was blackened. The day after, all of the green beans were blackened. Her mother probably thought all the Serpents were blackened. It wasn’t true.

 

Stuck between fleeing the scene and staying encompassed in Toni’s warmth forever, Cheryl settled on moving to the seat next to the Serpent.

 

“So..what do you remember about last night?” Toni ventured, hand glued to her head.

 

“I remember lemonade, and feeling all happy and fuzzy, and you telling me I was pretty, and then saying you wanted to kiss me.”

 

Was Cheryl still drunk?

 

Toni just hummed, eyes glazed over like she hadn’t fully woken up yet. 

 

“You were holding my boob!” Toni shouted, pointing an accusatory finger at her, “That’s funny.”

 

Cheryl just laughed, a free laugh that sounded like melted chocolate.

 

Suddenly, Cheryl’s phone buzzed.  _ Fuck.  _ She picked it up reluctantly, fearing the wrath her parents were about to force her to endure.

 

“ _ Cheryl Marjorie Blossom, where are you? Your father and I have been trying to contact you for hours. You are in  _ **_so_ ** _ much trouble when your ungrateful, deviant self gets home. What would Jason think?” _

 

Cheryl ignored the last part. Her mother always tried to guilt trip her by talking about Jason. But she  _ knew  _ her brother, and she also knew he would have never minded her hanging out with the Serpents. 

 

“Josie called late last night; her grandmother was hospitalized. And I, being a good friend, came with her for moral support and crashed there. She’s discharged now, but being put on medication.”

 

Toni listened patiently at how carefully and easily Cheryl lied. It impressed her slightly but mostly worried her.

 

Penelope didn’t seem convinced, but the lie had eased her down, “I’ll call Josie to confirm you’re telling the truth. Be home by 11.”

 

“I will, mother. Goodbye,” Cheryl said, hanging up. She groaned and then clambered out of Toni’s lap.

 

“See you later?” the redhead asked sheepishly, her fingers hot from where they were pressed against Toni.

 

“Yeah,” Toni smiled back at her, and then there was one. Well, for about ten seconds. 

 

Sweet Pea emerged, hair dishevelled with bags under his eyes, and proceeded to shout at the poor girl, “Tiny! Mind telling me what the fuck happened with Red last night? Fangs told me you guys were getting pretty  _ close.  _ He didn’t elaborate though, so you either boned or just cuddled. If it’s the first choice I will literally pour hot soup on my genitals.” 

 

Toni chuckled, trying hard not to imagine her friend doing exactly that.

 

“We passed out before anything happened,” the pink-haired girl explained, “but if we hadn’t...fuck, I don’t know what I’m saying, she’s probably straight.”

 

Sweet Pea contemplated this momentarily before answering, “They all are, Toni. They all are. Until they aren’t. If you even have a one per cent chance with this girl, you gotta go for it. Also, I’ve been hearing some rumours. And by rumours, I mean perfecting my gay-dar, and if my training is working, I’d say there are pretty good odds that the bombshell is gay.”

 

Toni scoffed, lightly kicking her friend in the shin, who stuck out his bottom lip teasingly.

 

“And what the hell do you know about gay-dar? There haven’t been any signs, anyway.”

 

Sweet Pea tilted his chin up, looking like a smug asshole brushed with black paint, “Don’t need signs, man. I just know. And when you two bone in, say, three months or so, I  _ will  _ say I told you so. And, ya know, high five you, because mad respect.”

 

Toni stared at the boy like he was a short, stubby, small-eyed alien with glowing toes. Knowing Sweet Pea, he’d be proud if he woke up one day looking like one. He had too much pride.

 

“I’m outta here,” she said, standing up suddenly which was a bad idea because her head  _ hurt _ . It felt like someone smashing those giant African drums repeatedly onto her skull.

 

“You want some Avril? I mean Advil?”

 

Toni flipped him off and kept walking.

 

-

 

Cheryl had hoped Josie would catch on when she got that call from her mother, but she didn’t. She told the truth like the honest,  _ naive  _ girl she was. Sometimes it felt like Josie was wrapped up in a fantasy world that completely disregarded all the blood being shed around her. Toni wasn’t like that. She was  _ real.  _ She  _ was  _ the blood.

 

Naturally, her mother was furious at Cheryl for lying, but she couldn’t help but feel comforted by the knowledge that she actually  _ cared.  _ Shoved in the deep recesses of her mind’s eye, Penelope Blossom cared about her daughter. Clifford had long given up, but whenever she feels a twinge of hurt about it she pictures him watching as the scar on her shoulder began to form, eyes greedily drinking in every inch of the blemish he had caused in the same way an artist might marvel at their painting, and the hurt instantly vanishes.

 

Penelope sprang up the exact second Cheryl shakily opened the doors to Thistlehouse. It was 11:09. Not good.

 

Penelope grasped Cheryl’s arm without saying a word and gave her that look that would make most children cower in fear, but Cheryl remembers a time she had melded that look so well into her own face it was impossible to tell them apart. She can’t really decide what’s worse; fighting or accepting. All she knows is that fighting is a  _ lot  _ more tiring. God, she was tired.

 

“It should have been you, Cheryl, it should have been you!” Penelope insisted hysterically, blood nails digging into Cheryl’s reddened arm as she dragged her to the bathroom. Cheryl wasn’t sure if she should be worried or not, but her question was answered when her mother unceremoniously slammed her skull into the bathroom sink, seemingly too impatient to wait for the water to fill up.

 

Cheryl heard before she felt the crack. It was very disassociating as if she was watching this happen to someone else because accepting the horrible reality with which was being shoved in her face was too much to deal with. Suddenly she felt jealous of Josie.

 

The blood swirled around in the water like a crocodile searches for prey. The prey tried to flee but in the end, the crocodile always wins. 

 

Time moved impossibly slow, and what felt like five minutes being held under the crocodile lake was in actuality probably only one. Calling it crocodile lake made it less terrifying; there was nothing wrong in romanticizing abuse.

 

Her lungs burned, but instead of thinking about orange gasoline and the number 2, she thought of Jason’s bloody body floating helplessly in Sweetwater River extending an arm out to her, an arm she so desperately wanted to take.

 

Distantly, a voice sounded, but Cheryl didn’t respond. JJ was so  _ close.  _ Just a few more minutes, and it will all go away. The pain. The abuse.  _ Everything _ .

 

Unfortunately, the voice didn’t recede, that nasally sound filling her ears, and then she felt the force of a hand yanking her away from Jason. Away from any shot at happiness. 

 

“Oh, Cheryl! Don’t do that! I thought you were dead!” a woman told her.

 

Cheryl had never felt more disconnected from her own being. She vaguely understood who she was in relation to the world, but certainly not this strange woman yelling at her. Remaining silent, Cheryl calmly walked out of the bathroom, way too calmly for someone’s who’s face had gotten bashed in and had almost drowned in their own blood. 

 

“ _ Well, Cheryl was always extra,”  _ Cheryl thought, realizing it was her thought but somehow convincing herself it was said by another person.

 

The redhead instinctively entered her room. It seemed too grand and ornate to belong to her. Had she broken into someone’s house? 

 

Fearing what could happen if she did anything else, Cheryl laid sideways on a silky, expensive bed, pillow quickly becoming saturated with tears, and she slept.

 

Her last coherent thought was how cathartic it was to be encased in the crocodile lake.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😬


	3. Hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cheryl's at the hospital.  
> Just read it I'm ass at summaries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SONGS:
> 
> Like a g6 by far east movement
> 
> Speak low by sarah vaughn

“Sweets, I’m starting to get worried about Cheryl.”

 

“Why?” the boy asked simply, “anything happen to her?”

 

“No - well, I  _ don’t  _ know, but she hasn’t been to school in two days. It’s not like her,” Toni said, concern laced in her voice.

 

“And since when do you  _ know  _ Red, Toni? She’s probably just sick or something,” Sweet Pea accused.

 

“Forget it,” Toni sighed, “I’ll just see her myself.”

 

“You mean go to Thistlehill?!” the Serpent asked incredulously, “are you crazy? The demons surrounding that house are gonna suffocate you, Tiny.”

 

Toni drank his words in only to find she didn’t care. Her stomach was swirling around anxiously and she was pretty certain it had to do with the Blossom.

 

“Yeah, I know,” was all she said before she left.

 

-

The matte black, ornate doors Of Thistlehouse stood in front of Toni. They were menacing in a foreign way, like a lizard feeding on a hawk.

 

“ _ Rap, rap, rap, rap,”  _ the doors screamed, upset at being awakened.

 

The doors opened and there stood Penelope Blossom, famously cold, calculating eyes appearing weak and drained.

 

“Hi, I’m, um, looking for Cheryl. Have you seen her?” Toni asked, wringing her hands together.

 

Penelope chuckled dryly, and when she spoke it sounded like cracked glass, “Join the club. She’s been missing for almost three days. Little bitch never knew how to behave.”

 

Toni was incredibly taken aback by what Penelope had just said, but her stomach had turned into a tsunami. She  _ had  _ to find Cheryl.

 

“O-okay, uh, I gotta go,” Toni said and left before Penelope got the chance to respond.

 

-

 

“Cheryl’s missing. We have to find her. Bring Fangs, and meet me at Pop’s.”

 

“Fuck. How do you know?” Sweet Pea sounded remorseful over the phone.

 

“I went over to Thistlehouse, and when I knocked Penelope was there, and she said she hadn’t seen Cheryl in almost three days..I think something really bad is happening, Pea.”

 

“Shit, well me and Fangs’ll be at Pop’s in like ten minutes, so try and stay calm, okay?” Sweet Pea assured her.

 

Toni wanted to scream at him that there was no way she could stay calm in a situation like this, but then she started thinking why she was that worried about Cheryl when she had barely known her for two weeks, which was something the Serpent didn’t have an answer to.

 

Toni, feeling helpless, made a last attempt to save Cheryl.

 

“Josie? Do you know where Cheryl is? I- I’ve tried asking her mother but-”

 

“She’s with me, at the hospital,” came the somber reply.

 

-

“Hi, we’re looking for Cheryl Blossom?!” Toni said, hands nervously digging into the front desk. The house plants slumped despondently.

 

“Floor 2, room 47. Stairs are to the far right,” the receptionist answered monotonously, not even bothering to glance up from her desktop.

 

Toni didn’t quite understand why Sweet Pea and Fangs looked almost as concerned as she did, but it was comforting in a strange way.

 

When they reached  _ 47 _ , the room was locked, and for a second Toni’s heart stopped at the thought that Cheryl had died and they were too late, but then Sweet Pea knocked harshly with his meaty hands and the door opened, revealing an exhausted-looking Josie.

 

“Sweets!” Josie greeted and they hugged. In the peripheral of her eye, Toni saw Cheryl sleeping peacefully, or as peacefully as someone could be with liquids running through their veins and bandages on their head. 

 

“What happened?” Sweet Pea asked before she got the chance to. His hand never left Josie’s back. It occurred to her at that moment that they were dating, which seemed too normal and innocent to even exist right now. 

 

Josie sat down, motioning for the Serpents to do the same, “I had been trying to contact Cheryl for two days...then last night, I found her at Sweetwater River doing  _ I don’t even know.  _ It was so weird, she wasn’t acting like a different person, she wasn’t really acting like anyone at all. And, she had this cut across her head, when I took her to the hospital they said she had head trauma. Probably from her parents no doubt. Poor girl..” 

 

Josie covered her eyes with the palms of her hands like it was inevitable she was going to cry and was just preparing for it.

 

Toni gulped, feeling as if her world was crashing in on her. It was odd how protective she felt over this girl. Toni chuckled a little when she thought that Cheryl was literally playing hard to get, but soon after she scolded herself.

 

“Is she gonna be okay?” Fangs said, eyes flashing with sorrow when he glanced at the sleeping girl.

 

“Doctors said they’re gonna monitor her brain for a few days, give her medication and see if she’s ready to be discharged by Saturday. They’re not sure of the severity of the trauma,” Josie said, tears flowing freely by now, but her face remained more stoic than Toni had ever seen.

 

“Fuck. This is fucked. And you said her parents did this? How the  _ fuck  _ could they do that to their own  _ daughter?” _ Sweet Pea yelled, anger rising up in his chest.

 

He kicked the wall,  _ hard,  _ and pieces of plaster drifted to the ground.

 

“Pea, it’ll be okay..” Josie attempted to reassure him, but he was beyond that. So beyond.

 

“She, I...I liked her, a lot, okay? I liked the  _ Northside Queen  _ herself. And look at her now. It’s not fair,” Sweet Pea’s voice cracked, and he leaned his head against the wall.

 

A groan came from the other side of the room, and everyone’s heads turned. Cheryl was awake.

 

“Cheryl?” Josie said, rising up to come to her.

 

“Josie?” Cheryl answered weakly, and her half-closed eyes studied the entire room, realizing Sweet Pea, Fangs and Toni were there too. 

 

“Yes, Cheryl, it’s me, Josie. How do you feel?” Josie laid her hand on top of the redhead, who lightly squeezed it.

 

“Feel - head hurts. C- can I talk to Toni?”

 

Josie wasn’t expecting this reply, but she simply said yes and walked out with the boys.

 

“Hey,” Toni said, stroking a strand of Cheryl’s hair.

 

Cheryl smiled widely and willed her eyes to open more because she could never see enough of Toni Topaz.

 

“Why did you come to see me? You barely know me…and I don’t want you to see me like this..” Cheryl broke out into tears, gripping the pillow as much as her current state would allow her to.

 

“All I see is you, Cher, and you’re beautiful. None of this is your fault. I want you to know that. And I came here because...you’re special. There’s something about you. I feel like I’ve known you all my life. Or at least I was meant to,” Toni answered, dropping a kiss on the section of Cheryl’s forehead that wasn’t bruised.

 

Cheryl’s tears had ceased, but her eyes felt droopy again and her body heavy, so when Toni whispered to her to sleep, she did.

 

-

 

Eventually, Sweets and Fangs left, and even Josie tapped out when she got an angry call from her mother, but Toni never left, not even when the doctors told her Cheryl probably wouldn’t wake up for several days. If she left and Cheryl never woke up, Toni didn’t know what she would do. She might not wake up either.

 

Dr. Rey was tall and lanky with dark curly hair, and he checked on Cheryl every few hours. Every time he noticed Toni was still there his hazel eyes softened slightly, likely in pity, but it was nice anyway.

 

“Good news! There seems to be a linear fracture on her parietal bone. Linear fractures heal completely when given enough time, usually five to ten days. I’ve prescribed some antibiotics in order to prevent an infection from developing.”

 

Toni resisted the urge to hug Rey, a man who was quickly becoming her friend.

 

“Thank you, Dr. Rey. I’ll be sure to tell her when she wakes up.”

 

“Bye, Toni,” he said, waving his veiny hand.

 

It had been three days since Toni attended school, but it seems a majority of the teens in Riverdale rarely go either, so Toni reasoned it was okay. And there was no way she was leaving Cheryl alone. Not now, not ever. 

 

On Friday night, Cheryl woke up. Her eyes flitted open, and then she groaned, only to pass out again. Toni didn’t mind. She would wait forever to hear her voice again.

 

Sweet Pea and Fangs called her constantly, telling her it wasn’t healthy to stay cooped up in the hospital eating vending machine food for that long. They weren’t wrong, but Toni would always tell them she would leave when Cheryl left, to which they would just sigh and hang up.

 

Josie dropped by often after school, and every time she appeared more sleep-deprived, but the day after Toni told Josie what Rey had said, her eyes had more life to them.

 

On a fateful Saturday afternoon, Cheryl stirred once again. 

 

“ _ Hopefully for good,”  _ Toni thought, but she knew what happened when you hoped.

 

“Toni?” the girl croaked out.

 

“It’s me, Cher,” Toni said instantaneously, rushing over to the redhead.

 

“How long have you been here?” Cheryl asked, seeming concerned.

 

“I never left,” the Serpent said breathily, still in shock that Cheryl was awake and talking to her.

 

Cheryl let out a noise in the back of her throat, interlacing her hand in Toni’s. 

 

“Toni, you didn’t have to do that.”

 

The  _ for me  _ sat on the tip of her tongue, but it was never said. Sometimes the best thing you can say is the one thing you don’t say.

 

Funny.

 

“But I wanted to.”

 

And then Cheryl Blossom hugged her. The needles bit into her back, but it was somehow a pleasant bite, and she hugged back harder.

 

“You’re a good friend, Toni. I hope you know that.”

 

Toni felt rejection wash over her entire body. She shouldn’t be feeling like this. Cheryl was in the  _ hospital.  _ Of course, they’re just friends right now. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

 

“Can you call Josie and Sweet Pea and Fangs and tell them I’m awake?” Cheryl requested, voice sounding too innocent for what had happened to her in order for her to end up here.

 

“Of course, Cher.”

 

-

 

“Hey, Red. Have a nice nap?” Sweet Pea greeted Cheryl, using humor to hide how relieved he was that Cheryl was alive.

 

Cheryl laughed at that, “It was very nice, uhmm...Sweet Piss? I think one of my symptoms was amnesia and I’m having trouble remembering your name.”

 

Everyone laughed at that.

 

Then Dr. Rey entered, clipboard tucked into his arm. He smiled lightly when he saw Cheryl was awake and had amassed a group.

 

“Hello everyone. So, it looks like Ms. Blossom is set to be discharged on Monday. The scans show her fracture has nearly healed,” he focused his attention on Cheryl, “over the next few months, take your antibiotics as prescribed and avoid contact with your head, and you should be good as new.”

 

Toni wished she could tell him someone isn’t “good as new” months after their mother abused them to the point of hospitalization, but she kept her mouth shut because she was exhausted and Rey genuinely cared for his patient.

 

Cheryl gave him a charming smile, but her eyes were lonely and drained of life like she had seen too much. And if you had known Cheryl for even a day, you would be able to confirm that statement wholeheartedly.

 

“Cheryl, you doin’ okay?” 

 

The girl glanced around anxiously before subtly shaking her head.

 

“Guys, can I talk to her?” Toni requested, and they all left without saying anything, but Josie gave her a sour look. Sour like chugging lemon juice at midnight because there was no alcohol and that was the next best thing. Anything to feel something. Not that she would know what that’s like.

 

Moments after they left, Cheryl broke down.

 

“N-nothing happened for a while, I thought it was getting  _ better _ , I tried  _ so  _ hard to make them be proud of me, but it didn’t matter, because she still  _ hurt  _ me, Toni,  _ really  _ hurt me. I could have  _ died _ .”

 

The redhead sniffled, yet wouldn’t look at Toni, because Toni was like a raging fire, emitting heat from miles away. And right now, Cheryl had too much fire in her.

 

“Shit, Cher, c’ mere.”

 

Cheryl obeyed, laying her head on the crook of Toni’s shoulder. She wasn’t warm though. She was chilly like a flowing river that soothes your aching wounds. And for the first time in maybe ever, she felt  _ heard _ .

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't mean for this fic to be so angsty but what's done is done
> 
> also my upload schedule is random but expect it to be pretty frequent bc I'm prioritizing this over most things in my life rn so


	4. Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
> 
> i did a thing
> 
>  
> 
> there be smut at the end you heard it from me bitches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SONGS:
> 
> slow dancing in the dark by joji
> 
> who's sorry now by nat king cole
> 
> valerie (glee version)

_ I don’t want a friend _

_ I want my life in two _

_ Waiting to get there _

_ Waiting for you _

 

The night sky mixed with the stars. Stars are always willing, though, so it’s not much of a consolation. 

 

Cheryl was currently laying in the back of Sweet Pea’s truck. Toni was there, too, and when she attempted to explain why she wanted her to be she had to refrain from using numbers and colors because that’s not how normal people talk. 

 

Toni was red, and if other people didn’t understand that, she wouldn’t be upset.

 

“That’s the Cygnus,” Toni whispered, pointing to the barely visible constellation resting comfortably in the sky. Except it didn’t look like a constellation, more just a bunch of jumbled-up stars, and it made Cheryl wonder why people force things that are fine the way they are to be something more desirable, despite having no physical change at all.

 

“How can you tell?” Cheryl asked curiously, turning her cheek so it rested on the chilly metal of the truck, and so she could see Toni.

 

“I can’t. But it feels like it is,” Toni answered to no one and everyone, and for some reason it felt incredibly validating, like it’s okay to not  _ know. _

 

“People say it looks like a swan,” Toni went on, sitting up, “or the Northern Cross.”

 

Cheryl frowned at this, glancing again at the cluster of stars before saying, “That’s not true. People are so desperate to believe they’ll make up absurd lies that seem implausible, but eventually, it becomes  _ real. _ To them, at least. It’s admirable, I guess.”

 

“A lie told often enough becomes the truth,” Toni recited, gaze unfocused now, eyes dancing across the sky in wonder.

 

“Who said that?”

 

“Does it matter?” Toni countered, and this time she was staring at Cheryl, and the feeling was almost too much. She was burning.

 

“No. No, it doesn’t matter. Do you really believe that though?” Cheryl said expectantly.

 

Toni sighed, saying nothing for a while: 

 

“I don’t think anyone is completely aware and accepts objective reality. We all lie and believe the lies we’ve created, even if it's subconsciously. So, yes, I believe it.”

 

The “Cygnus” glowed a little, and the other stars retreated in fear. An icy breeze blew over the stagnant air. What a time to be alive.

 

Cheryl allowed her hand to graze affectionately across Toni’s cheek, then said bluntly, “Why do you lie to yourself?”

 

“It’s easier. It’s like placing an eyepatch over an infected eye, except you sew it on so it stays there forever. And soon, you’ll forget the eye was infected, or that you even had an eye at all.”

 

Cheryl rolled the words around in her tongue, but at some point, they started biting and she had to stop.

 

“I think...that I lie to myself about almost everything. Nothing in my life feels real, really. Except you. You’re more real than anything.”

 

_ You looked at me like I was someone else _

_ Oh well _

 

Toni scooted closer to Cheryl, so close she could see the Serpent’s breath, and her big number 8 eyes, and her pink cloud hair, and the upturning of her lips, and it felt deviant. But in a good way, if that’s possible.

 

(Cheryl reasoned later that it was possible her mother had corrupted her to the point that she was unable to see love as being anything other than deviant, regardless of if she attempted to convince herself otherwise.)

 

“You’re amazing,” Toni murmured adoringly, and she spoke so softly as if it were a secret. But it probably wasn’t, because secrets are usually true.

 

“We’re here!” Sweet Pea shouted from the front seat, interrupting their moment, but a part of Cheryl was thankful because the heat enveloping her was almost suffocating.

 

Cheryl needed help reaching Toni’s trailer. Her legs felt like sandpaper, ready to crumble and snap at any moment. Actually,  _ she  _ felt like sandpaper. Not right now though. Not with stars in the sky.

 

_ Can’t you see? _

 

The inside of her trailer was inviting and filled with love, but the walls were thin and the sound of crickets wailing leaked through them. 

 

Framed pictures hung limply from the plaster, everything from the Serpents camping to delicious-looking noodles.

 

It wasn’t as red as Toni, but it was definitely warm like a 9. Cheryl loved that number.

 

The windows were wide, and if Cheryl really wanted to believe, she would’ve seen the Cygnus. The Cygnus wasn’t tangible, though. It represented an escape from reality like all constellations are.

 

And Cheryl was tired of pretending.

 

It wasn’t a swan, or a Northern Cross, or anything other than a close grouping of stars that were manipulated to appear to resemble some recognizable object.

 

Right?

 

“You take the bed. I’ll crash on the couch,” Toni stated in an oddly formal tone, and it made her head dizzy with heartache.

 

“No, this is your trailer, I should sleep on the couch-”

 

“Cheryl!” Toni snapped at her, and it reminded her of her mother yelling at her with switchblade teeth, so sharp they glinted in the dead of night.

 

“I’m sorry,” automatically tumbled out along with hot tears burning the sides of her face, and she dug her nails into her skin reproachfully because she messed it up  _ again, God she never shut up! _

 

Toni rushed over to her then, and in her confused state, she didn’t understand why. She felt warm hands wrap themselves around her small frame, and a soft, faint voice cooing in her ear and being led into a bedroom, and then shadows. Lots of shadows. Cheryl wondered briefly if shadows could be considered a color. They felt like one.

 

_ I don’t wanna slow dance _

_ In the dark _

 

_ “ _ Fuck, I’m so sorry Cheryl, I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t mad at you, you didn’t do  _ anything _ , I was just exhausted and angry and upset but none of it was your fault, okay?” 

 

Cheryl decided to believe Toni. It hurt a lot less that way, thinking it wasn’t her fault.

 

They said nothing for a while and the silence tasted like charcoal.

 

“What’s your biggest pet peeve?” Cheryl asked, breaking the silence. The question felt impersonal though, and she felt ashamed for having spoken it.

 

“Probably waiting,” came the reply. Cheryl didn’t know what to make of it. Right now, she couldn’t see Toni. Could only hear her rough, real voice floating across the room like an astronaut on the moon.

 

“You struck me as the impatient type,” Cheryl said, but she was somehow doubtful that was what Toni had meant.

 

“No, I mean when other people wait. When you’re waiting for something to happen, everything you do leading up to it becomes meaningless and pointless. But when it finally happens, it’s like there’s nothing to wait for anymore. Nothing to be excited about. And then it’s over, and you realize the moments you’ve wasted, but not  _ really _ , because you do it over and over again,” Toni’s voice bounced across the walls like it was eager to be heard but anxious to be listened to.

 

“Why didn’t I learn to treat everything like the last time. My greatest regret was how much I believed in the future,” Cheryl quoted, but she felt the words sting when they left her mouth. Probably because they were true.  _ Real. _

 

Toni cracked a big smile at that, “Exactly.”

 

Then she flicked the lamp switch, and it was a blur of molten grays and blacks, the red that flowed sweetly from the lamp displaying a symphony of unreal colors and silhouettes. 

 

A wave of exhaustion settled deep in her bones, and she fell asleep peacefully, content in the irrefutable knowledge that she wasn’t alone.

 

_ I don’t want to go home _

_ Can it be one night? _

_ Can you? _

_ Can you? _

 

_ - _

Cheryl woke to sunlight invading her eyes and a throat drier than plaster, but it was amazing because she wasn’t  _ there _ . In that godforsaken house with the crocodile lakes and too much chrome.

 

Her sleep-addled brain had failed to realize another presence still sleeping; Toni, who reminded her of fire and an anchor and constellations that looked like swans. Cheryl had decided they didn’t have to be swans to believe they were. Toni, who stole the warmth from the Earth’s mantle and unravelled it unbelievably slowly until it formed a red carpet for Cheryl to walk across until she couldn’t walk any more.

 

Her head started to hurt thinking about that.

 

“Toni,” she said firmly, carefully placing her hands on the girl’s shoulders and shaking them gently.

 

The Serpent groaned lowly and then turned on her back so their faces were inches apart.

 

_ Fire, anchor, swans… _

 

Cheryl allowed herself the pleasure of grazing a thumb across Toni’s bottom lip. The contact was electrifying, and she wondered how more intense it would be if it increased. 

 

Cheryl pressed a kiss dangerously close to Toni’s mouth; it was a test, kind of, a test she had no idea what the result of it was.

 

“Who wants pancakes!” Fangs shouted, bursting into Toni’s room, and his eyes widened when he realized what he had just done, slapping a hand across his forehead.

 

“Um, they’re on the kitchen table..I’m gonna go.”

 

-

 

“Cheryl...we have to talk about what happened. Are you planning on staying here long-term? I mean, I’d never expected you to want to go back to Thistlehouse.”

 

“I don’t think I really have an option. There’s no way I’m stepping foot in that place again,” Cheryl answered with finality, hand lightly resting on top of Toni’s.

 

“Well, just know you’re welcome to stay for as long as you want,” Toni stared at nothing then, and said wistfully, “I still can’t believe she did that to you.”

 

The redhead chuckled darkly, “A part of me tries to deny it even happened. Sometimes, when I want the pain to go away  _ really  _ badly, it works.”

 

Toni rapped her fingers on the oak of the table, probably calculating how to respond. It made Cheryl upset though because she felt like a charity case. Maybe someone as broken as her could never have actual friends.  _ Friends.  _ The word echoed back at her tauntingly, although she couldn’t figure out why.

 

Realizing the conversation was becoming too real, Cheryl cleared her throat awkwardly and suggested they have breakfast, only to feel guilty for being such a hypocrite.  _ What did she want?  _ To pretend nothing was horrible and wrap it up in a pretty metaphorical bow despite her insides cracking at the seams? Or face her issues head-on, risking the possibility that she wasn’t strong enough to face the pain and it would eventually kill her?

 

The only thing she knew for sure was she wanted Toni. In every way imaginable.

 

-

 

The pancakes were flat and slightly cakey and dry, but after almost a week of hospital food consisting of cold sandwiches and drip bags when she was unconscious, anything would have tasted good.

 

Sweet Pea and Fangs dropped by to check on them and to announce they were going to school, an occurrence that was rarer than Cheryl thinking about Toni sexually. Wait what?

 

Then Toni had gently asked her when she imagined she would go back to school, but the thought made her feel slightly nauseous so she just narrowed her eyes in a way Toni hopefully understood.

 

“I’m sorry,” Cheryl said abruptly. And she  _ did  _ feel sorry.

 

Toni quirked her head cutely, number 8 eyes zoning in on hers comfortingly, “For what?”

 

“For this, for  _ everything.  _ I mean, you had known me, for what,  _ two weeks  _ before I was in the hospital? And - and now, I’m  _ living  _ in your trailer...I should’ve just crashed at Veronica’s or Josie’s...I’m a  _ burden,  _ can’t you see that?”

 

The insinuation that Cheryl didn’t care as much about being a burden to Veronica or Josie was not lost on the Serpent, and she wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or not.

 

Without saying anything, Toni hugged Cheryl, dandelion lips settling on her shoulder, right where her scar was.  _ Is. _

 

It calmed Cheryl more than she would ever understand. Her mind was swimming in confusing explanations, but she swept them aside because this wasn’t confusing. Not at all. Toni was touching her. And it felt  _ good. _

 

_ - _

 

As the days dragged on, sleeping with Toni becoming more and more frustrating, because, well, she couldn’t  _ actually  _ sleep with her.

 

Especially Thursday. It was especially humid that night, and Toni’s air conditioner had broken a few months prior, so she decided to forgo wearing a shirt.  _ Bad idea. _ Because as much as Cheryl wanted to pretend the Serpent had no effect on her, it was the exact opposite. Every small touch set her body on fire.

 

So when she woke up at three in the morning with a sweat-coated, barely covered chest pressed tightly against her back, suffice to say she didn’t go back to sleep that night.

 

-

Cheryl went to school on Friday. Reluctantly, obviously, but Toni had convinced her nonetheless without having to say anything. She just flashed those teddy bear eyes, brimming with sadness, and Cheryl complied, almost hypnotized.

 

Her mind delved back to that first night; before everything went wrong, before her world came crashing in on her, and focused on Toni. What she did. What she  _ said.  _ Now, it seemed like a buried dream, covered in so much dirt it was like it was never even said at all. But  _ then,  _ it was fresh and new, filled with unspoken promises of a new life somewhere  _ better _ .

 

_ You smiled when we parted  _

_ It hurt me somehow _

_ I thought there was nothing worthwhile _

 

The train kept running though. And she knew where the next stop was.

 

_ “You’re lying to yourself. It’s not a crocodile lake. You  _ **_know_ ** _ what actually happened. Stop  _ **_pretending_ ** _ ,”  _ her brain yelled. It felt like the different sides of her mind were engaging in a heated war: she just wanted to know where the reset button was.

 

She knew vaguely her brain was right. But thinking about it felt like boulders ripping out of her stomach.

 

_ The tables are turning _

_ And you’re crying now _

_ While I am just learning to smile _

 

A wickedly delightful thought entered her mind then, and it was  _ so  _ beautifully deviant everything else was immediately whisked away. Cheryl Blossom always got what she wanted.

 

“Toni!” the redhead called out, spotting pink walking down the hallways of the high school, “meet me at my car after school.”

 

Cheryl  _ may  _ have said it a bit too sexually, but she’d deny it if you ever asked her.

 

Despite having a 4.1 GPA, missing two weeks of school was a pretty big deal, and Cheryl almost felt guilty she wasn’t paying attention in any of her classes.  _ Almost. _

 

“Can anyone tell me the purpose of the Signing of the Magna Carta?” Mr. Brockwell questioned, adjusting his clunky glasses for the nineteenth time that class. Yeah, she was counting.

 

The invasive ringing of the bell was, for once, a welcoming sound, but Cheryl also found she was internally freaking out over something she had brought upon herself. Funny.

 

Toni was leaning against the door of her car by the time Cheryl arrived, a smug look on her face like she knew Cheryl’s intentions. But that was impossible, right?

 

“Wow. I’d never expected you to be later than me, in, like,  _ anything.” _

 

Cheryl grinned, the kind of wide, genuine grin only Toni could pull out of her. 

 

“Shut up,” she teased.

 

What happened after that was almost a blur; opening the door to the back seat with shaky hands, Toni instinctively going in, climbing in after her and bumping her shin on the red metal, cursing and laughter…

 

Cheryl was breathing heavily, cheeks flushed, her face an inch away from Toni’s. Their lips brushed at first, but then she connected them fully, and nothing had ever felt so healing.

 

It felt  _ so  _ much better than shoving her tongue down Reggie Mantle’s throat ever did.

 

Toni tasted like strawberries dipped in maple syrup, the sweetness overwhelming her senses entirely.

 

She deepened the kiss, desperate for more,  _ more,  _ more of the taste that soothed all her pains. It was  _ potent. Intoxicating _ .

 

She threaded her fingers through Toni’s hair, accidentally pulling when she reached the end hairs, but Toni let out a soft moan, so she stored that information to be used later.

 

Cheryl shifted so she was straddling Toni’s lap, and it took all of her self-restraint to not start grinding down. God, she  _ really  _ wanted to.

 

_ ‘Cause since I’ve come on home, well, my body’s been a mess _

 

The sound of their lips smacking together set Cheryl off somehow, and before she could think to stop it, a needy moan escaped her lips.

 

Toni pulled back slightly, eyes locking with Cheryl’s, “Cheryl,” she said breathlessly, “do you think we should stop?”

 

Not able to properly form words, Cheryl shook her head, needing the taste of strawberries again.

 

She grasped Toni’s shoulders and pressed her lips to Toni’s in a lewd, open-mouthed kiss that made her head swim with the heady sensation of kissing Toni Topaz.

 

_ And I’ve missed your ginger hair and the way you like to dress _

 

At some point the pressure became too much: Cheryl feared if she didn’t have some form of release soon, she would explode.

 

“T-Toni - I need -  _ mmph.” _

 

_ “ _ Shh, I know, Cher, you’re doing so well..such a good girl for me.”

 

Cheryl was surprised by how sexual Toni’s words were but was even more surprised that is struck a throb between her legs.

 

_ Won’t you come on over?  _

 

Toni’s lips had drifted to her neck by now, sucking steady marks onto her pulse point. The redhead allowed her hips to buck onto Toni’s thigh, feeling momentarily self-conscious that Toni would be able to feel the heat through her jeans, but it took less than a second for her to realize she didn’t care.

 

“T-Toni,” Cheryl moaned out, her legs seizing up as she tugged more insistently on Toni’s hair.

 

Toni lifted her thigh up, making it easier for Cheryl to grind down, who would let out little moans every time she hit a particularly good spot.

 

“It’s okay, Cher, you’re doing so good for me,” Toni said obscenely, and Cheryl jerked her hips harshly in response.

 

“Do you like that?” 

 

“ _ Yes,”  _ came tumbling out, and Cheryl placed her hands on Toni’s hips to steady herself from her increasingly fast movements.

 

_ Stop making a fool out of me _

 

_ “Mmh, I think I’m gonna cum,”  _ Cheryl said desperately, hips moving of their own accord.

 

Toni pushed her thigh up more, murmuring unspeakable things into Cheryl’s ear.

 

“Let go, Cher.”

 

She did. Her hips gave one final stutter before she was crying out Toni’s name, and she buried her head in the crook of her shoulder at the embarrassment and wonder of it all.

 

It felt like her entire body was  _ cleansed _ . New and  _ wholly  _ again. Nothing else compared and nothing else  _ would  _ ever compare.

 

_ Why don’t you come on over, Valerie? _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp that happened
> 
> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	5. Not Good Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pretty short, sorry bout it
> 
> working on next chapter though and it's a doozie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SONGS
> 
> back to black (glee version obviously santana fucking killed it)  
> totally unrelated to story but its a bop

“You _ what?  _ I don’t even know if I should be impressed or not. Damn it, Fangs won’t give me the money yet!”

 

Toni raised her eyebrows in accusation at him, but let it go because she had bigger issues at hand.

 

“You can’t tell anyone about this, okay? What I have with Cheryl is...special, but she’s really fragile right now, and until she specifically says otherwise, no one else can know.”

 

Sweet Pea’s eyes flashed, digging a hand unceremoniously into his popcorn bowl, “So you guys are a thing now? Nice. That’s like, triple jeopardy.”

 

“Triple  _ what?” _

 

The boy sighed like he was disappointed she didn’t know what it was, “The theory that states a connection exists between different forms of oppression, typically including classism, race, and sexism, and that all three forms of oppression must be overcome at once. The name, also referred to as  _ triple oppression,  _ was coined by 19th-century black female scholars who explored the “ _ unique discrimination faced by black women” _ , while simultaneously stressing that if “colored men” got their rights but the women didn’t, it would be just as bad as it was before. C’mon, Toni, I thought you knew this?”

 

To say Toni was shocked would be grossly underestimating how  _ frightened  _ she was. It was as if someone had literally plugged the entirety of Wikipedia into Sweet Pea’s brain.

 

“Sweet Pea, how the fuck do you know all of that?” the pink-haired girl questioned, snagging a handful of cheddar popcorn out of the bowl.

 

He shrugged, posture slouching even more, “Beats me. You learn a lot of stuff when you’re always awake until three am. If you’d like, I could explain how the idea of doublethink is directly derived from political indoctrination.”

 

“Dude. You’re weird. Does Fangs know about this shit?”

 

Sweet Pea sat up abruptly, popcorn flinging out of the bowl comically, “Hell yeah. We stay up together, most of the time. He probably knows even more than me, actually…hey, who are you texting?”

 

**Cheryl [9:51]**

_ I’m sorry if this inappropriate, but I can’t stop thinking about this afternoon. I have a shit-ton of homework but I can’t concentrate on any of it. I think you know why. I’d appreciate it if you dropped by. Xo _

 

**_Toni [9:53]_ **

_ Stuck with Sweets right now but I’ll try and get out of it. Don’t finish without me ;) _

 

Toni locked her phone and tucked it under her thigh, cradling her face with her hands and making a noise halfway between a beaver getting attacked and a turtle yawning.

 

She opened her eyes and saw Sweet Pea through the cracks of her hands staring at her knowingly.

 

“What?” she echoed innocently, knowing all too well how intuitive Sweet Pea was when it came to sexual.. _ behaviors. _

 

_ “I see  _ what’s going on here,” he dragged the words out, smirk glued to his face, “I’m just gonna...go…for several hours. Bye!”

 

The burnt popcorn left at the bottom of the bowl collectively shed a single tear.

 

——

 

Cheryl was sitting anxiously on the worn leather of the couch. Every time she thought about the text, she felt sick.  _ Deviant. _

 

It was a difficult sensation to explain, really, but the war had returned in her head again, only worse.  _ So  _ much worse. And now Toni would be here soon, expecting  _ sex _ , or at least something to that effect, and Cheryl so  _ desperately  _ wished she could be normal. Normal like not seeing your reflection in the mirror with your head covered in blood every time she closed her eyes. She wanted to see  _ Toni.  _ And this time, Cheryl Blossom did not get what she wanted.

 

Cheryl knew deep down what she did to people.  _ Does.  _ They act like they care about her, but no one can truly love a broken plate. They always buy a new one.

 

And Toni was the purest of them all, and it felt like she was  _ ruining  _ her a little more every time they interacted. That hurt the most.

 

Toni knocked on the door, and for a soothing moment Cheryl convinced herself she could pretend she was fine and do whatever it was they were going to do and Toni wouldn’t hate her. 

 

But she couldn’t. Couldn’t pretend anymore. Her insides weren’t completely hollow yet, but they would be soon. Very soon.

 

“Come in,” she said dryly, and in her head, it sounded lifeless.

 

Then Toni appeared. Her expression was so calming, it almost forced the war to resolve itself. She noticed how  _ broken  _ Cheryl looked with her usually rigid posture slump and defeated, and eyes that were twitchy and nervous.

 

“Cheryl,” she breathed out, coming to sit next to her, “what happened?”

 

The question felt like daggers piercing her back. She didn’t  _ know.  _ All she knew was she was having trouble hearing because the sound of her mother shouting lies and truths into her ear was taking over. 

 

She knew she was slowly melting Toni’s skin off every second she spent with her, but she reasoned it was okay to be selfish right now. So she hugged her, but the guilt came in waves steadier than she had anticipated so she soon pulled away. 

 

_ Corrupting  _ her.

 

“Nothing, I d-don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m so sorry, you shouldn’t have  _ come here _ -”

 

“Shh,” Toni said softly, pressing a finger to Cheryl’s lips and using the other one to stop a tear from running down her face, “It’s okay not to know. I promise.”

 

Toni wrapped her arms around Cheryl, and she could feel the redhead instinctively stiffen under her touch like she had gotten pricked by a doctor.

 

“Cheryl. You’re not gonna break me. I know you think that, but it’s not true. If I didn’t want to be  _ with  _ you, I wouldn’t be here right now. And I don’t pity you. I think you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.”

 

Toni spoke the words reverently and with so much genuinity it was like she actually  _ cared.  _ Maybe she did. The thought spread a fire through her body. 

 

Cheryl allowed a smile to grace her lips, and then Toni was staring at her with number 8 eyes and cotton candy hair and tiger teeth, and it was like the colors had come back. It didn’t feel like a lie though. It felt  _ real. _

 

_ “ _ I can’t believe you really exist,” Cheryl whispered, hand resting on Toni’s warm cheek indulgently. The contrast of their skin reminded Cheryl once again of how different they were, but for some reason, Toni felt familiar. Sort of like  _ coming home. _

 

The Serpent laughed heartily at that before kissing Cheryl deeply, salt invading her mouth.

 

“That felt pretty real.”

 

Cheryl didn’t respond, just gazed into Toni’s eyes, and before she knew it they were kissing again, one, two, three times, mouths melding together, and it took her back to that same feeling in the car: like she couldn’t get enough. Enough of  _ Toni.  _ The  _ heat. _

 

After all, a fire never stops raging unless it gets put out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> birthday tomorrow so wont start again till tuesday
> 
> gonna see Us at like 9 at night it's gonna be lit


	6. Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> glee is highkey such a better show than riverdale it's not even funny
> 
> like i know we laugh about riverdale being trash but i die a little inside after each additional episode
> 
> the concept is intriguing and makes for good fanfic writing, especially the concept of choni, but I've realized canon choni is straying further from what i feel like they should be and it's pretty disconcerting to be honest
> 
> not hating just being real
> 
> josie tryna sing back to black like santana didn't do it a million times better sis pls
> 
> SONGS
> 
> I'm not gonna teach your boyfriend how to dance with you by blaine anderson
> 
> Body and soul by ella fitzgerald

_One_

_Two_

_Three_

_One, two, three, four_

 

_You are the girl that I’ve been dreaming of_

_Ever since I was a little girl_

 

“ _So,”_ Veronica announced dramatically, Archie wrapped around her finger, “I’m hosting a party at the Pembrooke tonight. Alcohol isn’t _required_ , but as the saying goes, the more the merrier, right? Make sure to arrive at 8 o’clock sharp. Toodles!”

 

And then the infuriatingly annoying rich girl left with her golden retriever like boyfriend, melting the very path they walked upon with riches and lies. So many lies.

 

“God, I hate them,” Toni whispered into Cheryl’s ear, but there was no venom or actual anger in her voice, and Cheryl realized it was because someone as good as Toni could never genuinely hate someone.

 

“Yes, they are very annoying, but you can’t blame Archie. I mean, it’s not his doing that Veronica talks like she’s just been cast for the role of _Dramatic Entitled Rich Girl_ with a knack for weird analogies,” Cheryl explained, running her thumb across Toni’s jaw. The affection felt so _right_.

 

Toni grinned widely, her eyes lighting up, and Cheryl almost couldn’t believe she was the cause of it. Maybe her mother was wrong. Maybe she wasn’t an _emotional anorexic._ After all, she has just made an angel smile.

 

“That’s true. So, are you up for the party? I mean, besides Veronica, it sounds pretty fun.”

 

“Yeah. I think I am,” Cheryl said proudly, her mind rejoicing in the thought of her possibly getting better. Normal people went to parties all the time. But she had decided being normal wasn’t as important as not being _broken_. That mattered more than anything else.

 

“You guys going to the party?” Josie asked from the far end of the study hall, and her voice had a biting, snapping tone to it. Cheryl assumed she was just bothered by how much time she was spending with Toni. Jealousy wasn’t uncommon, but it irked her that she never once thanked the Serpent. Never thanked the person who had saved her.

 

Somehow, Toni had noticed Cheryl wasn’t keen on responding, so she did for her, and a pleasant fire sparked in her stomach at the gesture.

 

“Well, see you there,” Josie said indifferently, standing up and mumbling something about the _damn Pussycats_.

 

Damn indeed.

 

———

 

Unfortunately, the doors to the Pembrooke opened to reveal none other than D.E.R.G, who already seemed quite prepared for a long night of making out with Archie and bitching about her father (who was exactly like her, by the way).

 

“ _Hello,_ ladies. Welcome to my humble, or, rather _noble_ abode, if you will. Alcohol is located on the kitchen table, and I encourage you to drink _deeply_  because this will be a _long_ night. Have fun!”

 

“O-okay,” Toni replied, lips pressed together tightly like she was restraining from going off on her.

 

Toni led Cheryl through the house, spotting nameless faces gripping red solo cups with dizzying expressions and she doubted whether this was a good environment for Cheryl right now.

 

“Hey, Cheryl, I don’t know if we should be here-”

 

Cheryl looked at her with fear embedded in her eyes, and at that moment Toni wanted to go back to when Cheryl was born and kill both of her parents for causing such a beautiful girl to look like _that._ Scared.

 

“ _No, Toni, I_ **_want_ ** _to be here. I’m_ **_strong,_ ** _right? Or was that just a lie you used to stop me from crying anymore?”_

 

Her vision was blurring, and her mind was reeling in guilt for things she had never even done. All she knew was it was _her_ who was making Cheryl upset. Not her parents. _Her._

 

 _“_ Cher, you know I didn’t mean it like that-”

 

But the redhead was already gone, weaving her way through the crowd, the only destination in her mind being an “escape.” Whatever that meant.

 

For a moment Toni entertained the idea that she could follow Cheryl, resolve whatever was wrong and wrap her up in a pretty pink bow, never exposing her to the cruel outside world again. It was a fantasy, though, and she knew that.

 

Toni wasn’t dumb. She knew what Cheryl thought of her. How she _looked_ at her. Like she was some guardian angel swooping in to save her. It hurt, if she’s being honest, because it felt like Cheryl was taking her at her best and building her life around that version, but when her best fell, Cheryl would fall too, and _hard._

 

So Toni did what everyone else seemed to be doing: gripping a solo cup full of cheap beer like an anchor until she couldn’t feel anything anymore.

 

After two cups, a finger tapped her shoulder, and she flinched in paranoia, but her nerves eased when she realized it was Chuck.

 

Chuck was, to put it bluntly, a massive dick last year, but he had changed. Not that noticeably, but he smiled more than he smirked, and that was all it took for her to know.

 

“Hey Toni. Enjoyin’ the party? I saw you with Red over there and it looked pretty nasty. She finally blow a fuse?” Chuck asked boyishly, but the normalcy of the question was greatly appreciated.

 

“Yeah. It’s pretty annoying how much she talks shit about the Serpents. I mean, what happened with her brother was horrible, but it was an _accident,”_ Toni said, embarrassment seizing her.

 

As soon as the words left her mouth, she felt her face burn up with white-hot guilt, but she reasoned that lying was the only way to keep Cheryl safe.

 

Chuck stuck out his bottom lip in contemplation, and then said in what was presumably a bad attempt at flirting, “So? You single?”

 

And then he placed his hand on Toni’s shoulder. It felt wrong, but she was upset and beginning to wonder whether what she drank was actually beer, so she didn’t try to move.

 

———

 

Cheryl wasn’t mad at Toni. Not really. She was mostly mad at herself for overreacting, when clearly, Toni was just trying to help her because she _cared_. More than Cheryl ever thought anyone should.

 

So she crept out of the dimly lit bathroom, an apology waiting on the tip of her tongue when she saw it. _Them._

 

Touching.

 

_(One) I’m biting my tongue_

 

It didn’t matter who he was. Just some self-entitled fuckboy who thought he deserved the world, and this particular one thought he deserved _her_ world.

 

The different sides inside Cheryl’s mind were fighting again, caught between pure resentment and fear that she had driven Toni away, so she settled for being upset. And jealous. _So_ jealous.

 

“ _His name’s Chuck,”_ the redhead thought bitterly, mouth filled with razor blades slashing and clanking around in every crevice.

 

Cheryl watched like an eagle stalking its prey as Toni laughed gutterly at something Chuck had said, but it was incredibly hard for her to imagine the pinhead coming up with anything even remotely funny.

 

( _Two) He’s kissing on you_

 

Unable to tear her eyes away, Cheryl saw Chuck attempt to, probably drunkenly, kiss Toni, only for her to back away quickly, expression looking dizzying and frightened.

 

She surveyed her surroundings like she was worried someone might have seen, but the action had too many different possible interpretations for Cheryl to even bother trying to figure them out.

 

All she did know was the look on Toni’s face, and that she never wanted to see it again. Or Chuck.

 

_I’m not gonna teach him how to dance with you_

 

Eventually, Toni’s gaze landed on her, and the petty jealousy faded away because all she could comprehend was the heat and intensity of that stare.

 

“Cheryl…” Toni began, glancing a final look at Chuck who seemed to be talking up some blonde’s ass, “I’m sorry for what I said..and Chuck..”

 

“Toni. You have nothing to be sorry for. I just got freaked out when you said that because it made me think..” Cheryl took a steadying breath,” it made me think I wasn’t really getting better. That I couldn’t even handle going to a stupid party.”

 

“I was wrong to say that,” Toni said sorrowfully, stepping closer to the redhead, “and it wasn’t a lie. I lie to myself a lot, and I’ve lied to other people, but never to you. And I never _will._ I want you to know that.”

 

“How can you be so sure?” Cheryl asked hopefully, heat swirling in her mind.

 

Toni’s lips curled up, showing a hint of glinting tiger teeth, and said simply, “You deserve something real.”

 

Cheryl pulled Toni in by her shoulders and kissed her affectionately, _meaningfully_ , painfully aware in the recesses of her mind that _anyone_ could see them, but choosing to focus on how alive Toni made her feel. _Special,_ even.

 

_My heart is sad and lonely_

_For you I sign for you, dear, only_

 

“This is one of my favorite songs. It reminds me of you,” Toni murmured, her voice barely a whisp, but Cheryl heard it more clearly than she had ever cared to hear anything else.

 

It made sense that Toni liked jazz. Jazz was timeless, and _real,_ and it had a deep, rumbly undertone that sounded a lot like Toni’s voice. Like burnt leather, almost.

 

The sweet, melodic tones emitting from the speaker, telling tales so genuine it was hard to believe they existed, contrasted mockingly with the scene splayed out before them, drunk teenagers yelling obscenities with eyes red around the edges.

 

_Why haven’t you seen it?_

_I’m all for you, body and soul_

 

“ _Hey_!” Veronica interrupted, stumbling blindly as Archie attempted to hold her upright, “why aren’t you guys drinking? C’mon, Archiekins, give ‘em the good stuff..”

 

Archie widened his eyes, clearly conflicted as to how to resolve this.

 

“Umm, I don’t think that’s a good idea, Ronnie. How about we sit down?” he consoled her, groaning as he hoisted her over his back.

 

Veronica mumbled something incoherent and then passed out. Probably.

 

“Tiny! What’s uppp? I see you brought Red,” Sweet Pea winked, or at least tried to wink, “I got the _best_ liquor guys. It's not for lightweights though. Fangs is a prime example,” he pointed to the Serpent who was currently duct-taped in a handstand position. What the fuck had they missed?

 

Cheryl thought back to the first night, how warm and loved she has felt before everything went wrong, and decided she wanted to feel like that again.

 

She smirked, gave Sweet Pea a mischievous look, and then said, “It would be an _honor_ to taste your liquor, Sweet Pea.”

 

“ _Yes!”_ he pumped his fists in the air, “you will _not_ regret this!”

 

———

 

“Alright,” Sweet Pea said tiredly, hair matted to his forehead, “Truth or dare?”

 

“Dare,” Toni responded, cracking her knuckles in preparation.

 

“Okay, I dare you to... _do a body shot off Cheryl!”_

 

Kevin, Josie, and Fangs all _oooo’ed_ in unison. If Cheryl wasn’t incredibly drunk, she would’ve been angry, but right now she was fuzzy, and everyone had huge eyes, and it was hard to think of ever being mad, really.

 

Toni’s tongue swirling around her navel, sucking Sweet Pea’s liquor off of it felt _naughty,_ but it sparked a heat lower in her body. She heard out of tune cheering distantly, and then more laughter and the clinking of glasses, and then the tongue was gone.

 

The red lighting closed in on her, but in a comforting way, as if to say, “Sleep, my dear. All is well.”

 

And sleep she did.

 

_I’d gladly surrender myself to you, body and soul_

 

———

 

When she woke up, her mouth was filled with cotton balls and her eyes were silently screaming, but Veronica had blackout curtains so the sun couldn’t attack her. Despite Veronica being, well, a _bitch,_ Cheryl was eternally grateful for the curtains. It was as if it could be any time at all.

 

Her second thought was about Toni, but since she had just woken up, it was more a jumble of words like _fire_ and _leather_ and _tiger_ that were only comprehensible to her.

 

Her phone buzzed from her back pocket, and her heart leapt into her throat when she thought of who it could be.

 

“Cheryl?” Toni asked suddenly, voice scratchy and shaky, “who is that?”

 

Cheryl said nothing, which was just as much of an answer.

 

Toni looked fearful, and it scared Cheryl that someone that resilient could be that _lost._

 

 _“_ Cheryl, don’t answer that. _Please,”_ Toni insisted.

 

Cheryl nodded, but inside it felt like her head was getting filled with salt water and this time, she _didn’t_ want to drown. She tilted her head but scolded herself after because it wasn’t real.

 

“ _Focus on the things that_ **_are_ ** _real.”_

 

 _“_ Toni, I’m gonna have to talk to her at some point, she’s my _mother-“_

 

 _“She-“_ Toni said, fire coursing through her veins, “ _put you in the hospital. And probably abused you for years before that. I-I just don’t want you around her, okay?”_

 

The redhead nodded again numbly, but Toni’s usual warmth was morphing into a _painful_ fire, and it was very disconcerting.

 

_My life a wreck you’re making_

_You know I’m yours for just the taking_

 

 _“_ I-I have to go. Call later if you want to, okay?” Cheryl said coolly, and it sounded weak. Cowardly.

 

Toni’s face blanched and scrunched up. It wasn’t cute though. Not this time.

 

——

 

**Toni [10:26]**

_Cheryl, I’m sorry about what I said about your mom or whatever, but you haven’t returned my calls and I’m getting a little worried. Just call if you see this, okay?_

 

The autumn leaves seemed to mock her as they made their descent to the grass. Humming sickly sweet tunes in perfect sync as the reds, oranges, and yellows mixed together scandalously.

 

Cheryl had run away once. She wasn’t going to let it happen again. If it did, Toni would never forgive herself.

 

“Sweets?” Toni began nervously, gnawing on her fingernail, “Have you seen Cheryl?”

 

To her surprise and utter fear, the boy answered, “Yeah! She’s with me. I think she just needed to calm down-“

 

There was some rustling before the delightful sound of Cheryl’s velvety voice went across the line, “Toni, I’m really sorry for leaving like that-I just was freaking out about my mom calling me and it _scared_ me because these past few weeks with you have been amazing, and I think it’s partially due to the fact that I’ve conveniently forgotten I ever had a mother, but I _do,_ and I shouldn’t have left for that. Can you forgive me?”

 

Toni sighed deeply, relief flooding through her bones, “Of course I forgive you. I’m coming over now, okay?”

 

“O-okay.”

 

Buried deep in her unthinkable thoughts, she wondered how many times she was going to have to forgive her.

 

She’d do _anything_ for Cheryl. But you can’t be faulted when you start to crack too.

 

_I’d gladly surrender myself to you,_

_body and soul_

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i fucking love jazz ok sue me


	7. UPDATE

I’m gonna be absent for at least a few weeks, again I’m sorry, but I have to clear my head cause a lot is going on rn, plus I just found out who my dad was.  
This fic won’t be abandoned, I have plans to return, maybe when school ends, but right now I’m not working on a chapter.

(I’ll delete this when ch.7 gets out)


End file.
